Please Hang Up and Dial 911

I woke up with a chronic pain about 3.5 years ago, which has never stopped. I’ve now seen about 22 doctors and clinicians, had 4 MRI’s, 3 ultrasounds, a CT scan, 4 different nerve blocks, and 2 surgeries. I don’t say any of this for sympathy, but to setup this half-joke/half-serious idea I just had. As you can imagine, I’ve made a LOT of calls to various doctors’ offices over the past few years. It would be fun to record a voicemail greeting so that when all of these people call me back and leave a message, they have to sit though a couple minutes of their own greatest hits that I have to listen to multiple times a week, like, “please listen closely as our prompts have changed,” and “leaving multiple messages will only delay processing and returning your call,” and my all-time favorite — because EVERYONE has this in their prompt — “if this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911.” I wish I had thought of this sooner.