For all of my adult life, I’ve been convinced that the right thing, the correct thing, the moral, ethical, or “good” thing would prevail on its own merits. I’ve been under the spell of the notion that the world was a just place, and if people could just be shown the right way to do things, they would accept them and want to do them in that way. I now realize this is a complete and utter delusion which has been foisted on me because of my personality and, if we’re being honest, a bit of neural atypicality.
I have often rued the days where I blundered through meetings at work, pointing out why certain decisions sucked, and how we could make things better, and in the process, making everyone mad. It took a couple of decades to even work out that I was, in effect, calling everyone stupid, and no matter how right I was, people got their backs up and worked against my ideas just out of spite over a wounded pride. I’ve seen it more times than I can count, and that’s not hyperbole.
What I’ve finally figured out is that the same thing has been happening in churches. Indeed, why should church have been any different? It’s filled with selfish, stupid people, just like everywhere else. Well, to be fair, we’re supposed to care more about “rightness” than the working world. But, no, when push comes to shove, people abandon correctness for feelings, and hide behind sentiment and platitude, because holding people to account is hard.
Maybe those other people already understand that holding out for the right thing is too much trouble, and therefore accept acquiescence more quickly and easily. Maybe they don’t want to get involved to save their sanity. Maybe. In Christian theology, there’s an infinite supply of forgiveness, so we must always be willing to forgive. There’s always an opportunity to take the high(er) road, because there’s always a higher road. Perhaps at the expense of sanity, but, sure, it’s always available. So at least in church circles, the fallback position not only saves time and sanity, it also makes you look “holier than thou.” Win-win!
Realizing that my own attitudes work against me in business, I’ve tried to reset and work WITH people in moving them towards more correct positions, but that hasn’t worked very well either, so I’m doubly screwed. Turns out most people aren’t even open to thinking that whatever it is they’re doing could be improved. After being in “leadership” of a church beset with spiritual abuse for 30 years, and suddenly being able to speak directly to a game-changing crisis, I skipped the pleasantries and went straight for the “correct” approach again when it mattered most, and lost again. And no one wants to hear it. No one cares. No one else is bothered. Everyone just wants to move on. Everyone just wanted to roll over. I guess they have that choice, but then they don’t get to complain to me when the barking dog they’ve turned their back on bites them in the rear again.
So I’m done. I’ve already removed myself from that situation, but now I’m also removing my concern about it. I can’t change anything. I never could. Turns out, I couldn’t even budge the needle. I’m sick of trying to point out ethics and morality to a bunch of people who shouldn’t need the lesson in the first place. I’m tired of trying to hold people accountable for things when no one else will. So they all get what they’ve accepted, and I don’t want to hear any more complaining about it. Ever. Congrats, everyone. You win. I’ll shut up now.
